Youth and Skill Vs Age and Treachery
by A Clockwork Pumelo
Summary: Just what it says. Gai VS. Kakashi in the ultimate knock-down, drag-out, laugh-your-butt-off crack-slinging WAR. Started as a drawing, morphed to fanfic, shows signs of mutating into a series. Ch2:Why Kakashi wears a mask: "So I DON'T bring sexy back."
1. Chapter 1

**Youth and Skill Vs Age and Treachery**

**By A Clockwork Pumelo**

**Some of you will recognize this line from Tamora Pierce. I thought it went quite well with Kakashi and Gai.  
**

"It's liver today and you guys are not complaining, or you get Nothing Flavor. Understood? Now I'm off for my morning walk." The grey-haired jonin shut the door and proceeded in the direction of the Memorial stone. He had a new Icha-Icha novel for Obito, and he was going to take his time reading it before he had to deal with those dear annoying little genin he'd taken on recently. The mixing of their personalities was somewhat akin to that of oil and water... with a heaping measure of HCL dumped in for good measure.

Checking the area for life forms, Kakashi satisfied himself that he was, indeed, alone save for a few rabbits and a bird. The next hour was spent reading to Rin and Obito, chatting with their spirits like the lonely, screwed-in-the-head shinobi he was. Finishing the book, he noticed a rustle in the trees. _My students? This early? Oh... bother. _A small puff of dust rose from the ground as he dodged to one side, evading the green-spandexed arms of the man who had tried to bear hug him.

"Gai? Why are you here?" He noticed that his Icha-Icha book was not in his hand_. Oh snap, not my Icha-Icha! _The emerald-clad man before him waved the book over his head.

"Why, because I wanted to challenge you to a test of course! A test of your youth! A test of your skill! A test of your... uh... youth and skill? Wait a minute..." Kakashi waited for a second for Gai to think it over before he called up a sizzling ball of Chidori in one hand and grabbed Gai by the collar with the other, pulling him down until the blue light writhing in his palm cast shadows on his face that Tenzo would envy.

"Give me my book back, _now, _or I just might decide to test your electrical resistance along with your youth and skill." The book hit the dust with a soft smack, and the blue glow crackled and died in Kakashi's hand.

"Jeez, Kakashi, protective of your porn, aren't you?" The glare from the gray eye shut Gai up.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am. At least this book. Jiraya gave it to me. It's not even in stores yet. Now, about that challenge... I'll take it, but I have to add in my own little weapons, just to make it fair." He reached down and picked up the book, dusting the cover off with something approaching reverence.

"And what is that?" Gai was bouncing on his heels, thrilled at his luck in getting Kakashi to play another of his little games. Surely, he would have a chance to even the score this time.

"Age and treachery." Kakashi's eye crinkled in a sardonic smile, and he Flickered away before Gai could even open his mouth to object.


	2. Chapter 2

**Youth And Skill Vs Age And Treachery**

**Chapter Two**

**By A Clockwork Pumelo**

**I do not own Naruto and company, he belongs to Massashi Kishomoto. I am so happy to finally get this chapter done. It's kind of based off that one episode where team 7 tries to get Kakashi to take off his mask at the ramen stand. You guys all know what I'm talking about. It makes me smile, and I hope it makes all of you who read it smile too. Giggles are also approved of, along with nosebleeds and ROFLing. Enjoy!**

"Ugh, tell me that's _not _disgusting." Kakashi observed his annoying little brat darling orange-clad student, who was shoveling chopstickfuls of noodles and barbecued pork into his whiskered maw, in horrified fascination. _Where does it all go? Like, does he need to feed the Kyuubi too?_ He thought, watching a piece of green onion go sailing over Naruto's head.

"_What_? My ramen? You wanna complain about it? Hmm?" The Ichiraku shopkeeper's eyes narrowed dangerously as he stretched another batch of noodles with burly, flour-coated arms.

"No, the way he _eats_," Kakashi flicked a bit of half-chewed something-or-other from his shoulder. "If I'd had lunch today, I'd have lost it by now just _looking_ at him." The shopkeeper turned, placing another bowl in front of Naruto, who grinned at Kakashi. There were little strands of barbecue pork stuck in his teeth, making the masked ninja cringe. _That is just gross._

"Here, have one on the house. It's not like I'm going out of business any time soon, what with this guy always hanging around." He tried to ruffle Naruto's hair, but thought better of it. Naruto was eating again, and the fallout from it was going everywhere.

"Oh, uh, thanks? Yeah, thanks. Did I tell you about this morning? I was reading again, and Gai tried to sneak up on me, and then..." Kakashi's eye crinkled merrily as he demonstrated what he had done as a steaming bowl of noodles was placed before him, brimming with delicious seafood. "Then, I take out a couple shuriken and I give him a freckin' mohawk with them. He almost s*** his pants." Still trying to ignore the festival of slurping and chomping from where Naruto was seated, he laughed and cracked a pair of chopsticks. Remembering at the last second, he prepared to perform the Henge that would conceal his face when he took the mask off to eat.

On cue, there came a rumbling sound, much akin to the hooves of a herd of galloping horses. Kakashi looked up, chopsticks poised, Henge forgotten as the thunder grew louder. When it passed, making the Ichiraku banners flap, and started to fade, he shrugged, looked around, and took off his mask to eat. The bowl of ramen... was gone!

"What the-? ... GAI!!! YOU GREEN-BELLIED BASTARD!!!" The copy ninja whirled around, mouth slightly open in surprise, and Naruto suddenly knew _exactly_ why he wore the mask. He had a small, round beauty mark to one side of the most shapely, luscious cupid-bow lips Naruto had ever seen. He also, however, had canine-like teeth that would put Kiba to shame; perfect, sharp, and a pearly ivory color that just begged to be accented with the ruby sheen of blood. In other words, he looked like Marilyn Monroe with wolf teeth. All this was observed in less than a second, before the copy-ninja went flying after Gai, still mask-less, chopsticks poised and ready for deadly combat.

Naruto just sat there drooling as ramen dangled from his chopsticks, seriously questioning his sexual orientation for the first time in his life.

"Got an eyeful, hmm? You're not supposed to look at his mouth, in case you hadn't noticed. That's why he wears a mask, so people don't swoon when he smiles at them. The Hatake kekkei genkai is a strange one indeed..." The shopkeeper refilled Naruto's bowl with more noodles, but the poor, addled Jinchuriki just kept staring into space.

Kakashi, meanwhile, was chasing Gai all over Konoha, across rooftops and through crowded streets. He was a man on a mission, and the mission was to get his damn ramen back, even if he had to throttle Gai in the process. He didn't mind that much if he ended up having to... Gai was an irritating son-of-a-b****, to put it nicely. As he rounded the corner of another barbecue restaurant, Gai came barreling down the street and...

{Author's Note}

You know those clips that people watch on YouTube? You know, the ones where the guy turns a corner and gets a fat, gloppy banana cream pie in the kisser? It was exactly like that, only with a large, steaming bowl of high-velocity ramen. I'm not a doctor, but that has _got_ to hurt. Also, I couldn't be bothered to find adequate adjectives to describe it in the story context.

{End Author's Note}

"Gai, I hate you _so much._" The words were hard to make out through the ramen and soup sliding slowly off the copy-ninjas face as he lay, flat on his back in the middle of the street and slowly removed the ramen bowl from his face.

"Haaaah! Another victory for Youth and Skill!" Kakashi sat up, wiped the remaining noodles from his face, and removed his headband to wring out as much miso broth as he could. His lips curled back in an involuntary snarl as Gai went on and on about youth and skill, posturing and strutting like an autistic peacock. He noticed with some displeasure that Gai had all his hair back, even though it had been only that morning that he had given him that shuriken-shaving. _What the hell?_

"Gai, shut up. And that's only _one_ point for youth and skill, _not that I care_. Just curious, how did you grow your hair back? And don't you dare say-" he was abruptly cut off by Gai's bellowing-

"YOUTH AND SKILL!!! That's how!!!" Kakashi sweatdropped and stood up, pretending to be only moderately pissed off and ignoring the ever-present temptation to strangle the green-spandex-clad Jonin.

"Fine. You win this round... but just remember, Age and Treachery always like to play with their food before they eat it." Both of the copy-ninja's eyes crinkled as he gave Gai a dazzling, wolfishly sexy grin. Too bad he didn't have any other type. Tying his headband back on, he turned and body-flickered back to Ichiraku.

"Now then... where were we? Oh, yeah, ramen." He sat down next to Naruto, grinning and thinking happy thoughts, most of which involved Gai and a long-range fire jutsu. When he caught the dazed, I-just-totally-jizzed-in-my-pants look on Naruto's face, his heart stopped. _Oh snap... I must have forgotten my mask._ He pulled the cloth back over his face and bid his student farewell. He definitely needed some time to talk to Obito about this.

As the smoke cleared next to Barbecue Bungalow, Gai just stood there frozen to the spot and, like Naruto, seriously questioned his sexual orientation for the first time in his life.


End file.
